


Complicated

by Lady_Sci_Fi



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Episode Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 04:19:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10071191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Sci_Fi/pseuds/Lady_Sci_Fi
Summary: "You want to set an example, Garak? Use him. Set an example for all Terrans.  Let him die slowly in public view on the Promenade. Let his arrogant Terran voice pleading for mercy echo through the corridors for all Terrans to hear."Julian and Kira escape from the mirror universe. Julian has healing to do from the ordeal... complicated healing that involves himself and Garak.





	1. Chapter 1

 Garak turned off the lights and locked the door to his shop. It was only mid-afternoon, and usually too early to close his shop for the day, but something else called his attention.

 The missing Doctor Julian Bashir and Major Kira had returned a little bit ago. While Julian and other crew being late back to the station from missions and trips wasn’t anything particularly unusual, it still set Garak’s slight paranoia off whenever it happened, particularly when it involved the young doctor.

 Garak made his way to the infirmary, figuring that would be the first place Julian would go, whether injured or not.

 There was a nurse at a computer, and Garak asked if Julian was here. The expression on her face was not particularly encouraging, but she nodded and pointed to the back area.

 Without another word, Garak stepped in that direction. He had rounded the corner into the treatment wing when he barely stopped himself from bumping into someone coming the other way. “Major,” Garak greeted, taking a second to notice that she was unharmed from whatever ordeal had happened, although the purple dinner dress was unexpected. “Is Doctor Bas-“

 Kira didn’t step aside to let Garak pass. Garak tried to move around her, and did get a look into the room. His brow furrowed at the sight of Julian sitting on a treatment table with his back to him. A nurse was applying a dermal regenerator to the exposed back, which was striped with deep red scratches.

 Garak took a step forward, and Kira stopped him again. “Major-“ he protested.

 “Don’t. Leave him alone,” Kira whispered.

 Garak’s eyes flickered to Julian, and he noticed the younger man had tensed. Kira’s stern hand on his chest made Garak look to her again. Her face was just as stern as her touch. “What is your problem?” the Cardassian asked her in a low tone.

 “He’s been through… Just leave it. Let him get treated in peace.”

 Garak gaze went back to Julian, and he watched the Human for a few seconds. Julian turned his head to the side to say something to the nurse, and Garak saw the tanned skin was caked in grime and dirt. The top portion of the Starfleet uniform, gathered around his waist, was just as dirty, as well as having several major tears.

 Kira’s hand on his chest pushed him back around the corner. She hissed in a threatening tone, “Garak, now.”

 Garak blinked, considering pushing the issue. But he decided not to. He could find out what had happened later. There really was no sense in causing a scene here. “Right. Good day then, Major.” He waited a second to give Julian the opportunity to say anything to him, and let out a disappointed breath when he didn’t. Then he turned and strode from the infirmary entirely.

 Garak went back and reopened his shop, and set to work on a dress order, though his mind was not truly focused on the task. Julian’s state, while the injuries would soon be fixed, troubled him, along with the younger man’s reaction, or lack of, to his presence.

 ********

 Julian mentally kicked himself as Garak left. He had wanted to give the impression that nothing was wrong and he would be perfectly fine, but he had done the opposite, especially to the observant Cardassian. He took a couple of deep breaths to stay relaxed for the nurse working on him. When she finished with the wounds on his back, he softly said, “We’re going to have to go into a more private room for what’s left.”

 The nurse went to prepare a small room, and Kira approached Julian’s side. Julian closed his eyes and tried to give a small reassuring smile. “I’ll be alright, Major. You don’t have to stay with me.”

 “You’re certain? I don’t have anything pressing to do.”

 “I’ll be alright,” the doctor repeated. He opened his eyes and looked her over. “You should get into something more comfortable,” he said lightly.

 Kira glanced down at her dress. “Yes, well, that would be nice.” She paused for a moment. “If you want to talk about… what happened, my door is open.”

 Julian nodded. “I’ll remember that. Thank you.” He listened to her leave, and wished for his time in the Infirmary to be finished as soon as possible, wanting nothing more than to go to his quarters and sleep.

 ********

 An hour later, Julian left the infirmary, now showered and clean and in a simple tunic and trousers provided by the infirmary. He was still sore and achy, but all the physical marks of his time in the other universe were gone. The emotional marks on the other hand… he still felt dirty and used and humiliated and… he wanted to shower again to try to wash all that away. But he knew, from learning about and handling these kinds of cases, that two showers probably wouldn’t do much to make him feel clean again.

 Lost in his thoughts, Julian’s feet led him to a particular shop on the Promenade, instead of to the habitat ring. He didn’t realize it until the door slid open and he saw the racks and table of well-designed clothing. He stood still for a moment, in the doorway.

 A normally-welcome face appeared from the small office, and smiled warmly at the sight of him. “Doctor, you’ve been fully treated from your ordeal?”

 Julian’s muscles tensed and he swallowed, forcing a nod and smile. But inside, he just wanted to run.

  _That cold smile as the Cardassian , the one that had Garak’s face and voice and some of his mannerisms, approached him and O’Brien, and pushed them out of the bar and out to the Promenade for their punishment for trying to escape, and for his killing of Odo. They were about to be made an example of, and all the different kinds of possible tortures flashed through Julian’s mind._

_The way Garak leaned in close to his ear and whispered, “You, my dear, will be quite delightful, for a Terran,” sent a shiver down Julian’s spine._

 Julian blinked, and suddenly Garak seemed to have teleported directly in front of him. He flinched, but tried to still keep his forced smile, though he knew he wasn’t fooling anyone.

 “My dear, you seem quite…” Garak moved in a little closer to gently grab the younger man’s bicep. “Are you alright?”

 Julian’s eyes flickered from Garak’s face to his hand. He wanted to hug him, kiss him, properly greet him after returning home from a mission like he normally did. But he couldn’t.

  _Garak’s iron grip on his bicep, shoved Julian forward, leaving the pushing of O’Brien to someone else. “Up the stairs,” he commanded, forcing him up to the second level of the Promenade. The Cardassian hissed into his ear, “This’ll be a rather nice spot for a public example.”_

_Once Julian had tripped up the last couple and steps and been yanked back up to his feet, Garak shoved him forward to a spot about halfway across the walkway. In one smooth movement that Julian couldn’t fight against, due to all the accumulated exhaustion if the past few days, Garak secured a cuff around one of the Human’s wrists, pushed the other hand under the railing, and snapped the other cuff around that one. Julian could only fruitlessly try to yank his hands from the cuffs, the chain clinking against the railing with one hand positioned above and one below._

_“What- what are you going to do to me?” Julian demanded, panicking and trying to yank away from the railing, which only resulted in rubbing his wrists raw. “Please, just let me go!”_

 Garak’s hand had moved down to Julian’s forearm, and Julian could only look away, to the side. “I-I’m sorry, I’m still feeling… unwell from… I’m sorry.”

 Garak leaned back and released the Human’s arm. With a small assuring smile, he nodded. “That’s alright, my dear. You look like you need rest.”

 Julian’s gaze went back to Garak, and caught on the blue of his eyes. The sincerity and care he saw in them… he had to blink when that somehow turned to the purely predatory expression of the other Garak. Julian swallowed and backed away. “Yes, sleep will… will do me good. Goodbye.”

 Once out of Garak’s shop, his pace quickened and didn’t stop until he was safe in his quarters. He suddenly felt nauseous, and sank down on the sofa. He closed his eyes and bit his lip. He cursed his muscle memory that had taken him to Garak’s shop. Seeing him only a couple hours after Garak had- no, not Garak- had hurt him was the worst thing. He had appreciated Kira heading Garak off in the infirmary, but then he had gone to him, needing him…

 Julian bent over, elbows on his knees and hands over his face. He had been so confused when they had been brought aboard the other Deep Space Nine station, which had quickly turned to concern at the sight of Garak greeting them in that military uniform. He had been so distracted by that, that he had barely noticed the other Kira until he was being taken to ore processing. Why, of all possible people, did it have to be Garak?

 But it had not been Garak, Julian had to keep reminding himself. That person looked and sounded like him, but it was not him. Though that idea was difficult to keep hold of as the memories of only… how had it only been less than three hours ago?

  _Garak shoved Julian’s head down, and bent over to hiss in his ear, “Too bad you’re not cleaned up for this. But you’re still quite… delectable.”_

_“Please, let him go!” shouted Kira, the one that had come with him. Her voice was then muffled by someone, Julian couldn’t see her._

_Then he heard the other Kira start making a speech about disobedience. He tuned her out as Garak’s hands ran down his body, feeling him through his torn and grimy uniform. He shuddered and squeezed his eyes shut, knowing without a doubt what this sadistic version of his friend and lover was going to do to him._

_“Is there a Garak on your side?” Garak asked lowly, his fingers trailing back up Julian’s torso to find the zip at the top of his uniform. “You seemed to know something about me when you arrived.”_

 Julian clenched his teeth, refusing to respond. He wasn’t sure what to do about this. He couldn’t avoid Garak forever, not even for a short while. Doing so would only make his emotional state worse, and strain their relationship until it broke.

 He would have to talk to Garak about this. Not now, probably not tomorrow, but sometime soon.

 Julian got up and ordered a soothing tea from the replicator, and stared down at the dark liquid in the mug.

  _Garak’s fingers stopped the zip halfway down Julian’s chest and backed off for a few seconds. Julian kept his eyes closed, wishing he were anywhere but here, even the ore processing that he had just managed to escape from._

_A knee crashed up into his abdomen at the same time an elbow came down on the back of his neck. Julian dropped to his knees with a cry. His wrists wrenched painfully against the cuffs as he tried to bring his hands down to cover his vulnerable torso. “Garak, please!”_

_“Speak only when prompted,” Garak shouted, emphasizing the command with a kick to Julian’s side._

_Julian was flipped over onto his back by the force of the kick, his wrists twisting around each other in the manacles above his head. He tried to grab onto the railing with his hands, but that only added to the discomfort, and quickly let go. He squeezed his eyes shut again as the Cardassian kicked him again. He just wished Garak… no, not Garak, would do what he obviously intended to and get this over with._

_A kick across Julian’s face dazed him long enough for Garak to undo the manacles, maneuver his arms from the sleeves of his uniform, and get him back up to his knees to resecure his wrists to the railing._

_Julian was shoved down and forward against the railing by a strong hand on the back of his neck. Julian blinked rapidly at the pain of the metal pressing into his chest, and saw the gathered crowd below them. Klingons and Cardassians and Bajorans looked up at them with glinting eyes, ready to be entertained and reminded of the dangers of disobedience. He caught Kira’s eye for a second, her expression full of apology and anger and sadness at the situation. He closed his eyes again, not wanting to see anyone else._

_Garak yanked the Starfleet uniform down over the Human’s hips. His hand on Julian’s neck moved down to wrap the arm around Julian’s middle. Julian bit his lip to stifle a sob at knowing what was coming next. He shivered at the breath against his ear._

 Julian swallowed, and quickly downed the entire mug of tea. He placed it back in the replicator and watched it disappear.

 How was he going to tell Garak about this? How was he going to move past this? How would they?


	2. Chapter 2

 Julian woke up, at the normal time he did for his day shift in the infirmary. He hadn’t been contacted by Sisko or anyone last night, probably Kira’s doing to give him the space he needed right now. Garak had also apparently taken the hint. He and Kira had barely talked about what had just happened in the runabout back to the station, only that she wouldn’t mention it in her report.

 He also would have to write his report on their trip to the other universe today. Even if he didn’t mention the specifics of this, which of course he would not, he would still be reliving it. But he couldn’t put that off, and was determined to do it during a break in his work in the infirmary.

 Julian was able to keep his mind on his work until he had caught up. He had worked through the lunch hour, ignoring the nagging feeling that he should have been meeting Garak for it.

 After treating a Bajoran officer for a burned hand, Julian determined he didn’t have anything specific to do that would allow him to procrastinate on his report to Sisko. He took a padd, and sat in his office to write it.

 He was able to keep objective enough of the experience, until he and the other Miles O’Brien had been caught in their escape.

  _Garak’s breath on his neck, the rustle of clothing, cool air on newly-bared skin, fear at what was about to happen, tears dripping from his eyes…_

 Julian pushed past that, to write of their escape.

  _Julian had been left there after Garak was finished, curled in on himself as much as he could manage restrained to the railing. The Cardassian found this fitting, to leave him half-naked and abused and filthy. “Don’t worry,” he said into the shivering young man’s ear. “I’ll be back later for the rest of your punishment.”_

_Everyone had gone back to the party, though O’Brien had been restrained to a wall outside of the bar. Kira had tried to fight her way to him the entire time Garak was… hurting him, but she too had now been dragged back to the party, and the door slid closed behind the group._

_Julian let himself openly cry. It had hurt so much, not only the physical part, but having it be Garak’s face, Garak’s body, Garak’s voice doing this to him._

_It wasn’t long before the sounds of commotion emitted from the bar, and suddenly this version of Sisko was leading a group of Humans and Kira out. They temporarily sealed the door. One went to O’Brien, and Kira and another came up to free him._

_“Can you walk?” Kira asked as the metal cuffs dropped to the floor and she helped him back into his uniform._

_It took a few shaky steps before he nodded. He tried to smile and lightly say, “Though I think it’ll be running instead.”_

_“That’s the spirit, let’s go.”_

 Julian wrote that the only thing that had happened was a short beating. He knew Kira had done the same in her report, as was his request. Once he was done, ending with them coming back through the wormhole in the correct universe, he slumped back in his chair. There was no great weight lifted from his chest at accounting the misadventure. He doubted there would be when he gave the report to Sisko.

 “Jabara,” Julian called out, getting to his feet and grabbing the padd. “I’ll be in Ops if I’m needed.” At the affirmative sound from the nurse, he strode out to the Promenade.

 Julian glanced to Garak’s shop on his way to the turbolift. He quickly averted his gaze, thankful that his feet hadn’t tried to take him there of their own accord. He kept his eyes from meeting anyone else’s even when he walked through Ops to Sisko’s office.  

 Nothing was wrong with him. While he didn’t really believe that statement, it would be better if that’s what everyone else thought. He didn’t want pity or well-wishes for what he’d gone through. Besides, it wasn’t their business to need to know. Unfortunately, it was Garak’s business, and he still didn’t know how to tell him.

 Julian took a deep breath as he entered Sisko’s office, refocusing his mind on his commander instead of his lover. “My report of our crossover to the other universe, sir,” he said, placing the padd on the desk in front of the other man.

 Sisko smiled and picked it up to read through it. Julian stood there quietly as he did, his mind going back to the problem of how to tell Garak what had happened. That distracted him enough that Sisko had to call his name three times to get his attention.

 “Yes, sir?”

 “Something on your mind, Doctor?”

 “Sorry, I was only… it was a bit confusing, being there.”

 Sisko gave a reassuring smile. “Major Kira expressed the same thing. Anything in particular bothering you?”

 Julian forced a little smile and shook his head. “I didn’t have the opportunity to meet myself, like Kira did. I can’t imagine how confused I might be if I had. Meeting the other versions of everyone else was… interesting enough.”

 “Indeed. From the sound of it, the other me was quite the rogue.”

 Julian let out a nervous chuckle. “I didn’t spend much time with him.”

 “I’m sure meeting the other Mister Garak was… interesting?”

 Julian fought to keep his face neutral. “You could say that, yes. I’m just glad mine- ours isn’t… isn’t like him.”

 Sisko tapped the edge of the padd in front of him. “Well, if you need any time or an ear to sort things out, let me know. You’re dismissed, Doctor.”

 “Thank you, sir,” Julian slightly bowed his head, then turned and left the office.

 Once in the turbolift, Julian let out a deep breath as it went down to the Promenade. He appreciated Sisko’s offer, but he wasn’t going to take him up on either of them. Time off wasn’t something he needed, because he needed something to think about that wasn’t… what had happened. As for someone to listen, as much as he respected and liked his commander, telling him that a different version of his lover had hurt him like this was more than he was willing to share.

 He considered going to Kira to discuss it after their shifts. She would understand without him having to go into detail. But she would probably have her own things to mentally sort out from their trip. To go to her with his problems… No, he could, and would, figure this out for himself.

 Julian sat in his office in the Infirmary and called up a new edition of a medical journal to read on a padd. As interesting as it was, it wasn’t enough to completely distract him from the issue that needed to be addressed soon.

 ********

 Something was obviously bothering the doctor, and Garak hated not knowing what it was. It was obvious enough that it had something to do with him, from the way Julian hadn’t wanted to see him, and practically bolted from his shop and greeting the day before. Kira’s protectiveness of Julian was also odd. Garak knew she wasn’t the most friendly with Julian, and she didn’t particularly like Garak, and who knew what she thought of their relationship… but for her to be a physical barrier between them in the Infirmary like that…

 Garak sighed as he undid a section of stitching on the shirt he was working on. He considered hacking into the computer system to find whatever reports Julian and Kira had undoubtedly filed for Sisko, but decided against it. He would find out soon enough to not have to risk getting caught at that. Julian would tell him eventually, he was certain.

 That understanding still didn’t do much to stop his frustration at not knowing whatever it was. All he knew was that Julian and Kira had left for the Gamma Quadrant, come back late, and Julian had been injured. He couldn’t fathom what would cause them to act like they had towards him. Unless… whoever had hurt Julian had had a physical similarity to him. Had they come across Cardassians in the Gamma Quadrant? Who had taken them prisoner for a time? If so, why had they been treated so differently? Julian had been physically hurt, with his uniform torn and dirty. Kira looked to not even have a mark on her, and had been wearing a rather nice dress. Why would a group of Cardassians treat the Starfleet officer considerably worse than the Bajoran militia one? If it had been Cardassians, it explained why Julian was avoiding him, although he wasn’t aware of any Cardassian ships that were currently in the Gamma Quadrant.

 Garak stood and stretched his arms out in front of him. He could be a patient person, but when it came to Julian’s welfare, that patience to know was failing him. Still, he knew the best approach was to let Julian come to him.

 ********

 The next day, Julian couldn’t take avoiding Garak any longer, and resolved to tell him after work. It was the only way he could actually start to get through what had happened. He needed Garak, needed to be honest with him about this, needed him to help him through this.

 He’d had another night of thinking about how the other Garak had hurt and humiliated him, the way the other Garak had thoroughly enjoyed it and intended to punish him more after the party. Before he had finally drifted into sleep, his mind had imagined what else that Garak would’ve done to him. Julian had woken to the computer alarm, limbs tangled in the sheets and blankets, arms tightly clutching the pillow to his chest.

 Julian was tired, and grateful that nothing more serious than a gash on a security officer’s arm came to the Infirmary that day. He’d only had a mug of Tarkalean tea for lunch, not wanting to risk eating anything in the state his emotions were in from reliving the event in his dreams again and again.

 He still wasn’t sure exactly how he was going to word it to Garak, but it had to be done tonight.

 Julian continued on to the end of his shift with anxiety, and quickly shut down his station when it was time. He hurried to Garak’s shop, only to find it closed already. He took a breath and slowed his pace, heading for the other man’s quarters.

 Upon reaching them, he froze halfway through the motion of raising his hand to sound the door chime. There was no need to hesitate. He’d been in Garak’s quarters several times before. But that was before…

 Julian shook his head. No, he wouldn’t let what had happened make him scared to even go into the other man’s home. This was only more proof that he needed to do this now, before it got worse.

 He closed his eyes for a second to steel himself, then pressed the button on the wall. It didn’t take long for the door to slide open, and reveal the Cardassian.

 Garak smiled. “Good evening, Doctor. What-“

 Before Garak could get any further in his greeting pleasantries, Julian bit his bottom lip and stepped close to him. Very quietly, he said, “I need… we need to talk.”

 Garak’s mouth quickly closed, and he invited Julian in with a gesture. As the door slid shut behind them, Julian could only hope he, and Garak, could get through this.


	3. Chapter 3

 Julian stopped in the middle of the living room, closing his eyes for a moment. Garak knew to give him the space he needed to collect himself before asking, “Does this have to do with the mission you’ve recently come back from?”

 Julian’s eyes opened as he turned to face the Cardassian. He swallowed, suddenly knowing how he needed to start this. He fought to keep his face neutral. “Garak, I’m going to ask you a question. This is… very important. Please, don’t try to lie or deflect or anything like that. In fact, I… I don’t want you to answer with anything except yes or no. Am I clear?”

 Garak nodded. With the distress that the Human was trying to hide, he knew how important this was to be completely truthful.

 Julian’s throat seemed to freeze as he opened his mouth. He suddenly did not want to ask this question, dreading if the answer was yes. What would he do if Garak did answer that way? Could they still possibly work through this?

 Garak took a step forward, small, just enough to get Julian’s attention and prompt him to speak.

 Julian found his voice, though it was quiet. “Did you… did you ever, in your work in the Obsidian Order… did you ever use… rape-“ he swallowed heavily. “As… as a way to… do anything?” He kept his eyes steady on the other man’s face, needing to see any minuscule reaction to the word, especially one word.

 “No,” Garak said simply, his face showing no sign of deceit.

 Julian stepped in close enough to reach up and lay two fingers on the Cardassian’s temple, feeling for the pulse. He swallowed and asked again, “Did you ever rape anyone, for any reason?”

 “No,” Garak repeated, sounding sincere.

 The heartbeat under Julian’s fingers did not quicken. It was a crude lie detector, but it was good enough to convince him of Garak’s sincerity. He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, and dropped his arm. He backed away, until his legs hit the edge of the sofa and sank down onto it, leaning forward with his face in his hands. Relief flooded through him, though none of it erased the other feelings still in him, and that relief that his Garak hadn’t done this to anyone faded.

 “Is that-“ Garak’s voice shook. “Is that what happened to you? On your mission with Major Kira?”

 Julian raised his head until Garak could see his face, and nodded. He couldn’t stop the tears from starting to well in his eyes, and they shone even in the dimmer lighting of the room.

 Garak’s hand twitched at his side, wanting to do something, but not wanting to make Julian uncomfortable by going to him. He started pacing. His mind raced, going through possibilities of how and why this had been done to the doctor. He had seen the deep scratches down the Human’s back. It had been violent and painful, no doubt. He stopped in place as he recalled his thoughts yesterday. “Was it Cardassians?”

 Julian tried to blink away his tears before they fell. “One, yes.” His hands began to shake. They were getting closer to the core of this now, and he still didn’t know how to say it.

 Garak couldn’t stand to pace anymore, and dropped to his knees in front of Julian. He automatically reached out to take the other man’s hands, but managed to stop himself before they could touch. He left his hands awkwardly in the air between them. “I-I am so…” Then the shock of actually knowing what had happened to the man he loved a few days ago caught up to him. Julian, his Julian, had been violently hurt and humiliated, by a Cardassian no less. He tamped down his anger at whoever had done this. It wouldn’t help right now.

 Garak looked into those shining hazel eyes, and saw an even deeper pain. There was more to this than even this surface level of what had been done to him. He didn’t know how to get Julian to tell him more. He didn’t know if he even should. It was obvious how much effort it had taken Julian to tell him this much.

 Julian took one of Garak’s hands, and simply stared down at it. _Gripping his hips with bruising force, seizing his hair, yanking his head back, hitting him, scratching down his back and chest…_ He broke his gaze from the grey hand and up to Garak’s face. “Not these hands…” he muttered.

 Garak’s eyes widened as the other man took both of his hands and brought them up to his chest. He only had a few seconds of feeling the warmth through the Starfleet uniform before Julian let them go and leaned back. Garak returned his hands to his sides. He glanced around himself, still kneeling, debating if he should stand or sit on the sofa or simply stay where he was.

 “It wasn’t just any Cardassian,” Julian said after a few minutes. He watched Garak’s face, and saw the question there, though Garak did not verbally ask it, heeding Julian’s earlier request that he not speak. He couldn’t help the small affectionate smile at that fact. Then he sighed, his expression falling back to melancholy. “I… I knew his name.”

 Garak finally broke his silence. He fought to keep his desire to know off his face as he said, “If it hurts you to say his name, you don’t need to.”

 Julian shook his head. “I need to. You need to know who it was.” He closed his eyes for a moment. “You need to understand what happened to Kira and me. I can’t tell you everything, of course.”

 Garak slightly bowed his head. “Of course.”

 “But enough so that all this… makes some sort of sense.” Julian smiled a little and patted the sofa. “You don’t have to sit on your knees.”

 Garak gratefully took the invitation, and sat on the other end of the couch. They both turned to face each other.

 Julian wiped a hand over his face before he began, “On our way back through the Wormhole, something happened to the runabout. We came out, but everything was… off. Turns out we ended up in a parallel universe.”

 “Parallel universe?”

 “There were other versions of us, though we didn’t see the other me while there. Commander Sisko, Major Kira, Chief O’Brien… but it wasn’t the way the station is here. It was run by some sort of alliance between the Bajorans, Klingons, and Cardassians, with Humans as their slaves. I…” Julian swallowed heavily. “I escaped the ore processing center, but was quickly caught, and taken to the other Kira to decide my punishment. Her… second-in-command was a Cardassian, and she…” He clenched his hands into fists as they started to tremble. “She told him to do whatever he wanted to me as my punishment. Whatever he… whatever he wanted, in front of everyone on the Promenade.” He couldn’t stop his voice from shaking. “He beat me, and then…”

 “And then he raped you,” Garak finished softly, fighting to keep the anger from his voice.

 Julian turned his head away. “Y-yes.”  He blinked, and tears leaked from under his eyelids. “When he… when he finished, he and everyone else went back to their party, but he promised to come back to me for more afterwards. And then we escaped.”

 Garak let the quiet hang between them for a moment. Then he slightly leaned forward. “You said you knew his name?”

 “Yes… his name…” Julian suddenly reconsidered sharing this information, dreading the other man’s reaction. He stared down at his hands, willing them to unclench. “He was another alternate person I knew. Face, body, voice, name…”

 “I only know of two Cardassians you might know enough to recognize in this… parallel universe.”

 “His name wasn’t Dukat.” Julian took a steadying breath, though it did nothing to stop the break in his voice. “His name was Elim Garak.”

 Garak’s eyes closed as he slightly shrank back. It was a blow to his heart, knowing that a version of him had done this to his Julian, hurt him so deeply and violently. “Julian, I… You have every right to avoid me after that.”

 Julian quickly grabbed Garak’s hand. “But I… I don’t want to avoid you. I-I don’t want what happened to separate us. It’s… it’s confusing… and complicated. He looked like you, sounded like you… but he wasn’t you. I have to remember that. I came to you to remind myself of that. Garak, I don’t want what he did to make me- to make us- different people.”

 Garak could no longer keep his anger inside, and broke away from Julian’s grip as he stood and turned away from the Human. “He… what he did you… if I had been with you…”

 Julian slowly stood. “Garak?”

 Garak turned back to the other man, teeth bared. “The punishment I would bestow on him, if I ever had the chance-“

 “No!” Julian cried, taking Garak’s hand again. “No… don’t…”

 Garak’s anger quickly turned to confusion. “Julian?”

 “Don’t… don’t sound like him, please.”

 A long sigh came from Garak’s mouth as he stared down at their hands. “Maybe… the two of us aren’t as different as you think.”

 “No! That’s not… I believe you are different. You are! He… he enjoyed inflicting pain, enjoyed hurting people. He looked forward to raping and beating me and who knows what else again. You… you would never do that to me, and you hadn’t in your time with the Obsidian Order.”

 “My dear-“

 “The other Kira even told him off for being so… so sadistic.” Julian stepped in close and his hands wrapped around Garak’s forearms. “You are not like that.” He stared into blue eyes, desperation creeping into his voice. “Please, tell me you’re not like that.”

 Garak’s tongue shot out to wet his bottom lip. “From your description of the… other me… no, I’m not- I’m not like that.”

 “Good, because right now, I can’t take notions of painful revenge from you right now.”

 An idea sparked in Garak’s mind, realizing one way Julian could work through the confusing and complicated emotions he was going through. He softened his expression. “I wish you hadn’t gone through this, but I can’t do anything about it. But there is something I can do for you right now.”

 Julian’s face turned hopeful. “What?”

 Garak took a deep breath. “You can’t take it out on him. But you can take it out on me.”

 “What? But, that wouldn’t be right.”

 “This is not a matter of clear right and wrong, Doctor. Besides, I think it’s rather fair, considering how I took my… frustrations out on you recently.”

 “That was different.”

 Garak shook his head, then stared at the other man with a steely gaze. “Whatever you need or want to do, do it to me.”

 Julian snorted in disbelief and let go of Garak’s arms, turning away.

 “We may not be the same person, but I am the closest thing to him,” Garak tried again.

 “You’re not him,” Julian insisted, his hands tightening into fists as the assault played in his mind again.

 Garak knew Julian was not an inherently violent man, and would need to be pushed over his edge. “You hate him,” he stated in a low voice.

 “Y-yes,” Julian’s voice broke, though there was an undercurrent of anger.

 Garak stepped close from behind. He tinged his voice with danger, like he had during interrogations back in his Order days. “He hurt you, humiliated you, brought you low… and wanted to do it again and again until you were nothing more than a broken man.” He saw Julian’s shiver, and silently apologized for what he was going to say next. “Perhaps… he already has achieved that.”

 “He- no he has not!”

 “Are you certain?” Garak asked, mouth nearly to the Human’s ear. Without warning, he grabbed Julian around the waist and yanked him back against him.

 Julian instantly turned and shoved Garak away. Anger flashed in his eyes. “You did not- he did not break me!”

 Garak forced an accusatory grin. Julian’s teeth bared as he took the three steps to reach Garak and seized the front of his tunic. “Is this what you want?” Julian near-shouted in the Cardassian’s face.

 “What do you want, Doctor?” Garak calmly kept his hands at his sides.

 Julian let out a wordless yell and quickly backed Garak up, pinning him hard against the wall. His hands moved from Garak’s chest to capture one wrist and one arm above the elbow. For emphasis, he pulled Garak away from the wall a few centimeters and slammed him back against it.

 Garak tamped down on the instinct to protect himself, even though the Human had reacted with surprising strength. He held his breath as Julian pressed his entire body close, and their noses brushed together for an instant.

 “I want for him to never have done this to me! I want for him to haven’t had looked and sounded like you! I want for Kira and me to never have ended up there!”

 “What else?” Garak prompted.

 “I-I want… I…” Julian’s grips on Garak’s arms tightened as he yanked the Cardassian away from the wall and turned him to push him across the room. Halfway across, Garak’s foot hit the arm of the couch, and they ended up falling down onto it together.

 They landed at an unbalanced angle, and ended up bouncing off and down to the floor. Julian ended up on top of Garak, straddling his waist and pinning him to the floor by his wrist and bicep. Garak bent that elbow to raise his hand, though he didn’t move to actually touch Julian with it.

 Garak made no move to try to throw Julian off or flip them over. Instead, he simply looked up at him, Julian’s breath coming out through clenched teeth, and face hard with anger and pain and everything else. He hoped his expression read, ‘Do whatever you want.’

 “What I want…” Julian glanced to the side for a second, and when his eyes met Garak’s again, his face had changed. Within a second, all the rage had gone.

 Garak only had a split-second to notice the change before Julian swiftly lowered his head, and their lips met.


	4. Chapter 4

 Julian practically melted into the kiss, deepening it. It took a moment for Garak to get over the shock of the fact that the kiss was happening. He didn’t push away, didn’t even try to touch Julian with his hands, but he tilted his chin up to respond to the kiss.

 There was no rage or anger in this kiss. It expressed simple need. Need for healing from the hurt and wrong that had been done to him. Need for Garak to understand that it had been someone else who had hurt him, despite the fact that the other man had worn his face while doing it. Need to simply be here with the man he loved, and not there with the man who had abused him.

 Julian finally pulled away, though stayed hovering close over the Cardassian. “Garak… Elim…” he whispered.

 Garak’s hand moved to lightly grip the other man’s bicep. His thumb and fingers rubbed the uniform fabric between them. “My dear…” a small smile formed on his face. “Whatever brought that on?”

 “I thought that was obvious,” Julian responded, keeping his tone light. He leaned back into a sitting position, still straddling Garak’s waist. He finally released his hold on Garak’s wrist and arm, and moved his hands to Garak’s chest. He pressed his lips together for a moment. “You’re not him.”

 “No… I suppose I’m not. Fortunate for me.”

 Julian’s brow furrowed. “Did you want me to hurt you?”

 “If that’s what it takes to help you through this, yes.” Garak pushed himself up onto one elbow. “Like I before, it is only fair, after the hurt I did to you with…” he vaguely gestured to his head.

 One of Julian’s hands absentmindedly went over an area of Garak’s tunic. He stared down at the spot, mesmerized by the pattern under his hand. Garak simply watched the Human’s face, seeing a myriad of emotions.

 “Did you expect me to?” Julian asked quietly after a few minutes.

 “I know you are not a violent man.” Garak pushed himself up fully into a sitting position. Julian shifted a little further down his legs to let him get more comfortable. “I know you’re not, and nor would I want you to be.” He laid a hand on Julian’s chest, over his heart. “But I think… if any situation would release that in you, it would be this one.”

 “I think you’d be right… but not against you. Never against you. Only against him. I need you to understand that. I don’t want to let him… what he did… change me.” Julian let out a deep breath. “You and I… what we have… I can’t lose this.”

 “I would hate to lose this, as well.”

 Julian smiled briefly, then he asked, “You were willing to let me hurt you. Why?”

 “I thought that was obvious,” Garak teased.

 “Is anything ever obvious with you?”

 Garak chuckled, “Fair enough point.” He placed a hand over Julian’s on his chest, and licked his bottom lip. “I was willing to let you harm me, because… I love you.”

  Julian went completely still, shocked at the statement.

 “My dear?” Garak prompted.

 Julian blinked. “Sorry, it’s just… I didn’t expect to hear you say that.”

 Garak was not offended by the disbelief. “Oh?”

 “I mean… it’s not that I didn’t think you did or were incapable of it. I just didn’t expect you to outright say it.”

 “I do believe there are times for openness and honesty. I would count this as one of them.” Garak leaned in until their foreheads touched. “Anything you need from me to help you through this, I will do, because I love you.”

 Julian breathed softly, their air between them mingling. “It’s nice to know the enigmatic Garak has times of this.” He chuckled, “Though I know better than to get used to it.”

 “As you’d do well to do,” Garak replied. He slightly pulled back. “What do you need from me?”

 Julian stared into the blue eyes for a moment before leaning in to nuzzle his nose against the Cardassian’s cheek. “This…” he whispered. “This… intimacy.” His head dropped to Garak’s shoulder. “He was…” his voice trembled. “He was force… and brutality… and cruelty.”

 Garak’s hand slowly slid up Julian’s back and held him in close. Those were three words he didn’t want to hear associated with something done to his Julian. He swallowed to keep his own voice clear. “If he was that… then I shall try to be the opposite.”

 Julian made a soft noise in his throat. “You’re doing a good job of it right now.” He placed a soft kiss on the ridge of Garak’s jaw as he pulled back. He bit his lip, looking uncomfortable.

 “What is it?”

 “I… I want this intimacy, but I can’t…” Julian licked his bottom lip. “I can’t go much further than this. Not right now. And I don’t know how it’ll take for me to move past this enough…”

 Garak slightly bowed his head. “I understand, and I wouldn’t expect you to so soon, after… Whenever you’re ready, I will still be here.”

 “You mean that?”

 Garak’s hand moved to caress the Human’s face. His thumb lightly stroked over the skin. “Of course I do. Your well-being is very important to me. I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize it.”  

 Julian smiled, and tilted his head to nuzzle against the hand on his cheek. At the question in Garak’s eyes, he slightly nodded. The other man hesitantly drew him into a soft kiss.

 When they pulled apart, Garak said, “I have one request.”

 “Oh?”

 Garak half-grinned. “That we get off this floor?”

 “Oh, of course,” Julian said with a little laugh. He pushed himself up from his position on Garak’s thighs to the sofa, and pulled Garak up to join him.

 It took a moment for them to settle together, with Garak stretched out on his back, head propped up on a pillow, and Julian lying on top of him, his head tucked under the other’s chin.

 Julian closed his eyes, relishing the feel of Garak’s fingers lazily trailing up and down his back and the gentle rise and fall of his chest. “Thank you… I love you, Elim…”

 ********

 Julian made his way to Kira’s quarters the next afternoon, fresh from a shower in his own quarters and dressed casually. It was his normally scheduled day off, and if he remembered correctly, it was hers as well. He felt the need to check on her, and if that lead to talking about their unexpected trip to the other universe, that was fine.

 Julian pressed the door chime. A few seconds later, he heard a muffled “come in,” before the door opened. He stepped inside, and politely clasped his hands behind his back.

 “Hello, Doctor,” Kira greeted, looking somewhat puzzled about him coming to her quarters.

 “Major,” he responded with a slight bow of his head. “I was just… wanting to see how you’re doing.”

 Kira didn’t need any more prompting to know what he was asking about. She gestured for him to take a seat and get comfortable. When Julian smiled and took the invitation, she asked, “Can I get you anything?”

 “No, I’m fine, thanks.”

 Kira sat on the couch opposite Julian. “I’ve been as well as can be expected, I guess. You?”

 “It’s been… a bit difficult. I wanted to thank you for keeping what happened secret.”

 Kira shrugged, a sad tint to her expression. “It was the least I could do.” She leaned forward. “You know, Doctor… Julian… I must admit that I sometimes find you…”

 “Annoying?” Julian supplied, no hint of bitterness in his voice.

 “Something like that. But I would never have wanted that to happen to you.” Kira stared down at her hands.

 Julian leaned forward as well, silently prompting her to go on.

 “So much happened there,” the Bajoran sighed, her fingers wringing. “Seeing that… twisted version of me was bad enough. She wanted to keep me, like a pet. Being around her sent chills down my spine constantly. But in the end, the worst part of it was… was having to watch what was done to you. I pleaded with her to call it off, but she… she delighted in it. To her, you were just some upstart Terran getting what he deserved. Julian, I am so sorry. I couldn’t do anything to stop it.”

 “There’s nothing you could have done. I don’t blame you in any way. It’s her and that Garak who deserve all the blame.”

 “Seeing that expression on my face as he… hurt you… It was so sickening. And I can’t help but to think if I really am capable of being like she is.”

 Julian didn’t know how to respond to that for a long moment. He licked his bottom lip and eventually said, “I don’t know about possibilities and probabilities of becoming like our counterparts in that universe. I do know that the Kira I know is not like that. What matters is that you’re not like her. While I didn’t spend much time with her, for what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re capable of that… casual cruelty.”

 Kira looked up to the man. “You really think so?”

 “Yes, I do.” Julian took her hands between his. “That place is different. That Kira is different. That O’Brien, and Sisko, and everyone is different from ours.”

 The corners of Kira’s mouth went up in a quick smile of gratitude. Then she asked, “How have you been dealing with it all?”

 “Working, mostly. I had to keep my mind off it.” He released her hands and sat back in the chair. “I finally talked to Garak last night.” And he had stayed in the Cardassian’s arms until the late morning.

 “How did it go?”

 “Quite well, all things considered.”

 “That’s… that’s good.” Kira sighed. “Whatever it is you see in him… he genuinely cares for you. It’s obvious whenever I see you two on the Promenade together. I would hate for you to lose that because of what the other Garak did.”

 “Yes… yes he does…” Julian smiled at the memory of the other man saying he loved him.

 Kira’s mouth twisted into a teasing grin. “And it is even more obvious how much you care for him.”

 Julian let out a light laugh. “I never was particularly good at hiding my feelings.” He smiled and stood. “Well, I should go. It was… good to talk about it.”

 Kira nodded her agreement, and watched as he headed for the door. “Julian,” she called.

 Julian turned. “Yes?”

 “If you need any more help in working through all this, I’m here.”

 “Likewise, Nerys.”

 With that, Julian left Kira’s quarters, and headed back to his own, ready to curl up in his bed with a book.


End file.
